Wizards "Turrible" On and Off The Court

Seems like the Washington Wizards can't catch a break from embarrassing themselves. At least they have Mike Bibby now...


 Posted by: G.A.C.

545 Playoffs: Ugliest Athlete (Round One, Series Four)

Alright, Bartolo Colon was voted as uglier than Pavel Datsyuk in yesterday's quarter final. Today's quarter final is going to be the last quarter final, and it's between Lou Amundson of the Golden State Warriors and Jim Kleinsasser of the Minnesota Vikings. These two are both worthy competitors.

Let's start with Lou Amundson. What the fuck is going on with that haircut? He looks like Brendan Frasier with Jennifer Aniston's haircut. Either that or he looks like a caveman on cocaine, I'm not too sure.

Lou Amundson

There's not much to say about Jim Kleinsasser. He looks like Silent Bob from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back on steroids with a haircut. Who in the sweet fuck told him that his facial hair looked good too? Whoever told him that, they lied.

Jim Kleinsasser



Alright, who do you guys think is uglier?

Breaking News: Utah ship Deron William to Nets

The Utah Jazz have sent All-Star point guard Deron Williams to New Jersey in exchange for point guard Devin Harris, rookie power forward Derrick Favors, and two first round draft picks.

The deal will likely be finalized later Wednesday afternoon, as a third team, the Golden State Warriors, is likely involved. The Nets will send the expiring contract of forward Troy Murphy in exchange for center Dan Gadzuric and power forward Brandan Wright.

Wow, Deron Williams has got to be pissed.

For more information concerning the trade, please click on the highlighted link.

Posted by: G.A.C.

STAT and Melo, STAT and Melo, STAT and Melo, STAT and Melo!

Check out the latest remix to Wiz Khalifa's song "Black and Yellow".


 Posted by: G.A.C.

Debate of the Day: J.T. versus A.J.

Alright. Been too long since we've taken a look at a couple football wives, and believe me, there are a lot to look at. Here we've got a matchup of defensive stars (or, AJ Hawk was supposed to be one). Jason Taylor is up there with Ray Lewis in discussions of the best linebacker of our era - don't give me this "he plays d-end" bullshit. AJ Hawk is right up there with Clay Mathews for biggest faggot linebackers with long yellow hair of our era. Let's see how their wives stack up.

Katina Taylor

 

versus

Laura Hawk

Sorry for making you look at AJ's ugly mug, but it had to be done. Of note here is something very important: Laura Hawk is also quarterback Brady Quinn's sister, so I've gotta give AJ extra points here for boinking someone's sister. If Brady Quinn ever gets into an NFL game, and if AJ Hawk ever gets a sack, and if, by the slimmest of chances, these two things happen in the same game, it would be funny (Sorry, you probably expected more there. Me too). Just flatten Brady, tell him how hard you gave it to his sister last night, and go on about your day. Perfect.

That said, Jason Taylor's wife Katina has an ass to die for. And her name is just sexy. Who knew you could take such an over-used name, take away an "r", and you've just got a name of somebody you want to throw down with. Like, that rivals some of the best asses I've ever seen. So I'm going with her for sure.

MAH GAWD!

- posted by silverado

Raptors Make Puzzling Trade

Yesterday afternoon the Raptors traded the first round pick they acquired from Miami for Chris Bosh. In return, they received James Johnson from the bulls. Got to admit, this is a pretty dumb move on Colangelo's part. James Johnson is a young kid, but he's clearly not going to be contributing to an NBA team anytime soon. Why would you trade away a late 20s first round pick in return for junk? I just don't get the philosophy behind throwing away a chance to draft a player who MAY be good in the mid 20s for a player who you know is not good.

Raptors just continuting their dominance. The rest of the East should be worried now.


- posted by silverado

People are Retarded

...Alright, I guess that isn't really news. Anyways, some guy named his first-born daughter "Facebook". I'm too pissed to even blog about this, so here's the link to the article:

http://ca.shine.yahoo.com/parenting/man-names-his-firstborn-daughter-%E2%80%98facebook%E2%80%99-blog-156-shine.html

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

545 Playoffs: Ugliest Athletes (Round One, Series Three)

The underdog Pat Mcquistan beat favourite Joakim Noah in yesterday's quarter final matchup. Today's matchup is between Pavel Datsyuk of the Detroit Red Wings and Bartolo Colon of the New York Yankees. Let's start with Pavel.

Alright, what the fuck is wrong with Pavel Datsyuk's head? The shape of it in general just confuses me. He honestly reminds me of E.T. with some sort of weird combover. I think he's going to win this matchup, but not because he's goodlooking, but because Colon makes him look like Ryan Reynolds.

Pavel Datsyuk

What is there to say about Bartolo Colon? He's got all of the conventions of a 2/10. The unibrow, the double chin, the dirty teen stash, the eyes of a rapist. Seriously, he looks like he'd be the killer in an episode of Criminal Minds.

Bartolo Colon

Have you ever heard of win-win situations? Well, I think this is a lose-lose situation. Who do you think is the uglier between these two guys? You be the judge.

Posted By: The Say Hey Kid

Toronto Maple Leafs vs. New York Islanders

I've been watching the Islanders/Leafs game tonight, and thought there were a few things to take note on. Here they are:

• How does Brett Lebda have a job in the NHL? He is easily the worst player to play for a National Hockey League team this season. I honestly think he would struggle at the AHL or ECHL level. Seriously, when he took a brutal penalty tonight, I was actually happy. I was happy for two reasons. 1) It gives the Leafs an opportunity to improve their PK numbers, and 2) At least Lebda won't be on the ice for two minutes. When he takes a penalty, it's actually a good thing for the Maple Leafs - mainly because we don't have to worry about him losing a 1-1 battle or making one of his infamous giveaways that results in a direct goal for the other team. Lebda in the penalty box with the Leafs on a 5-4 penalty kill is actually better than the Leafs playing 5-5 with Lebda on the ice. I'm honestly disgusted that this guy makes 1.4 million dollars a season: It truly sickens me.
• How does Ron Wilson still have a job in the NHL? Why in the fuck is Timmy Brent playing the point on the powerplay? Wilson, you realize he's a 3rd or 4th line grinder with limited offensive upside? Almost anyone else on the team except for Lebda or Sjostrom would be a better option for the point than Timmy Brent.
• Why is Colby Armstrong the assistant captain of the Leafs? Lots of teams have tried making one of their role players a captain or assistant, and look where it has got them. The Oilers have been garbage under Horcoff, and the Thrashers are garbage under Ladd.
• Lebda is complete shit - WHY DOES HE HAVE AN NHL ROSTER SPOT?! Idsuf8ds8fuad9fid9fddfasdf

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Colorado Eagles Assistant Coach Goes Nuts!

You've probably been told "It's just a game!" a couple of times in your life. Well, someone should have said that to Colorado Eagles assistant coach Greg Pankewicz.

Apparently one of his players was abused by an official, and he didn't like it. Given the circumstances, I'm not sure this is the reaction or approach I would have had to the same situation. To each his own I guess. What's up with minor league coachs having tantrums and ripping their clothes off? Who knows.

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Major League Sequel??

My day just keeps getting better. I'm scouring the internet just trying to get a look at any of the sluts Charlie Sheen has been banging lately and I came across something much more interesting than a picture of Kacey Jordan's snatch.

Charlie Sheen would apparently be willing to get on board with a "Major League" sequel. This movie was absolutely phenomenal. Like, on the list of terrible/great sports movies, it goes:

- Mighty Ducks (entire series)
- Youngblood
- Blue Chips
- Major League

If you don't believe me, just take a look at the cast. And by that I really only mean Wesley Snipes, who played the stereotypical black showboat on the team. Without a doubt though, the best part was Charlie, sporting looks such as this:

If you don't want to see old Charlie rocking high top fades, taped together thick rimmed glasses, hurling 100 mph fastballs, and fucking teammate's wives, then you can get the fuck off my blog.


- posted by silverado

Let's keep talking 'Melo and Trade.

Let's take a deeper look into the Carmelo Anthony trade, shall we?

You'd think New York clearly wins this trade. In many cases, yeah, you're right. They'll walk away from this trade with the BEST piece going forward. However, Denver didn't leave this trade empty handed. The Nugs received some good pieces going forward which include forwards Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler, and guard Raymond Felton. Denver receives numerous picks as well, which include: New York's 2014 first round pick, and Golden State's second round picks in 2012 and 13 (Golden State's picks come from the sign and trade of David Lee). Also, Denver will receive $3 million in cash. Denver will also receive center Timofey Mozgov, but really, who gives a sweet blue fuck about him?

How well did New York walk away from this trade you ask? Well simple, Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups. These two will be the only useful players coming to New York from Denver. New York will also receive "old as fuck" point guard Anthony Carter, and the forward who peaked while at Duke alongside J.J., Sheldon Williams.

However, it should interesting to note that this is rumored to be the start of bringing in both Carmelo Anthony and Chris Paul. If you recall, Chris Paul made an interesting toast at Carmelo's Wedding last summer in New York about forming their own big three. His proposal included Carmelo Anthony, Chris Paul, and Amare Stoudemire. Should be interesting to see if Chris Paul trade rumors become big again with only a few days left before the trade deadline. We all know New Orleans doesn't want to lose him in free agency in 2012.

Now let's take a look at the Minnesota side of the trade. Considered just to be a separate trade with the New York Knicks. But by including the Wolves, Denver will save $25 million this season.

Minnesota will receive Anthony Randolph, The expiring contract of "Knick Legend" center Eddy Curry, and also another $3 million. New York will receive small forward Corey Brewer from the Wolves. Let me just say and I mean no disrespect to Corey Brewer, but New York unquestionably overpaid for theservices of Corey Brewer. Minnesota clearly won this trade. They save/receive money, and get a good piece in Anthony Randolph.

It should also be interesting to note that neither Gallinari, Felton, or even Mozgov may remain as Nuggets for very long. It's being reported Denver is looking to make more deals. It's being said that Gallinari doesn't want to go Denver and that he would like to play for the Clippers or even New Jersey. Felton is in a similar situation to the one he was in during his stint with Charlotte, as Ty Lawson looks to be taking the starting job for Billups. Denver seems to be interested in trading anyone besides Lawson as the Nuggets are sure he is the only one they're sure of keeping going forward.

More information on the rumors in the paragraph above, can be found at this link: HOOPSWORLD.



Posted by: G.A.C.

Debate of the Day: Hot Talk Show Hosts

I was pretty generous with that title. I could have titled it "Debate of the Day: Annoying Talk Show Hosts with no Viewers". Seriously though, who the fuck actually watches these shows? How do these women even have their own show? I guess I answered that question in the actual title. I should probably clarify who I'm talking about now too. Tyra Banks and Rachael Ray. I'll throw up the pics, then put my input in afterwards.

Rachael Ray

Tyra Banks

Alright, let's evaluate the situation here. Tyra is slightly more attractive, but she's also slightly more annoying than Rachael. Tyra wastes 2 hours of television a day (with her talk show and America's Next Top Model), whereas Rachael only wastes one hour of television with her show. Rachael can also cook amazing meals, but has an annoying voice. I'm kind of intrigued in this situation. People always make the paper bag joke for an unattractive face, but what do you do if they have a bad voice? I'm not entirely sure, but a part of me wants to find out. I'm going to go with Rachael on this one, but Tyra is really goodlooking in her own right, and would likely win in most people's opinion. Who would you choose?

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Sidney Crosby admitted into Green Oaks Mental Institution

No, but seriously, I was browsing online and came across a website that has a list of Sidney Crosby's superstitions that he practices prior to a game. Here is a list of a few of them:

• He won't call his mother on any game day because the last three times he has done this, he's been injured (the most recent being his broken foot a couple of years ago). I guess Maxime Talbot pulled a prank on him and called his mother prior to this years Winter Classic against the Caps.
• Once he's taped his sticks up before the game, he doesn't let anyone touch them. He doesn't even like his teammates going near them. If they touch his sticks or go near them, he'll re-tape all of them.
• When he's playing a hockey game in a road arena, he will only use his personal roll of tape. He won't even consider touching the opponents tape.
• If the team is travelling via a bus to an away game, he will lift his feet to touch the bus windows whenever they approach railway tracks.

I'll be the first to tell you I love Sid, and I consider him the best player in the NHL, but some of these superstitions are complete bullshit. When I was 23, I had a superstition of my own prior to watching the Leafs play; and it always worked. I would usually just down a 6-pack before a game, and the team would magically play better. I remember going to sleep satisfied and not pissed off over the fact that Toskala was the worst goaltender in the league. Hopefully Steckel's hit straightened out Crosby, and he stops acting like a fucking idiot. Being superstitious is one thing, being clinically insane is another.

Sidney Crosby in Green Oaks

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Don't Ever Eat at Boston Pizza

Well, I'm back from an extended absence, and all I've got to say to the 545 readers is never to eat at Boston Pizza. Unless it's a situation of life or death, or possibly getting laid versus not getting laid, just don't go there.

Saturday night I'm out with the boys just watching sports and killing beers, time of my life type of shit. I'm feeling good so I even break the bank and eat a couple burgers while I'm there. My brother does the same thing. Safe to say these burgers were undercooked, but hey, they tasted good nonetheless.

Sunday morning rolls around and I'm posted up against the toilet just hacking my lungs into the god damn thing. Pissing out my asshole. Have to switch with my little brother every 20 minutes because we're both fucking sick as dogs. Fucking Boston Pizza.

Luke Schenn Continues to Impress in Toronto; Lebda injured

Luke Schenn, who was awarded the assistant captain position following Kaberle's departure to Boston, is continuing to impress the Toronto Maple Leafs fans, coaches, and management. Today, in practice, he took a slapshot that hit Brett Lebda and it appears to have broken a bone. Lebda might be out 4-6 weeks with a fractured ankle, or at least that's what the fans and staff of the Maple Leafs are hoping for. If Luke Schenn hurts Johnny Mitchell next, he might find himself in the captain's role sooner rather than later. Keep up the good work Schenn.

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Breaking News: Carmelo Anthony FINALLY a New York Knick.

Finally, The Melo drama has came to an end. The block buster deal will be a three team trade involving the Denver Nuggets, New York Knicks, and Minnesota Timberwovles. For more information, click on the highlighted link.


Note: I'll have a summary on the trade tomorrow.

Posted by: G.A.C.

545 Playoffs: Ugliest Athletes (Round One, Series Two)

Well, Jason Blake won his series one matchup against Kevin Youkilis by a vote of 18-16. It was a tight quarter final matchup. Today's matchup is between two equally as gruesome competitors. Chicago Bulls' centre Joakim Noah is facing off against Miami Dolphins' offensive lineman Pat McQuistan for today's quarter final matchup.

Let's start with McQuistan. He looks like the son of two Oompa Loompas who had incestual relations. In other words, he's really ugly, and he needs to do something about his hair. To be honest, I don't even think he would look half as bad as he does with a normal hair cut, but that remains to be seen. If he wasn't a professional football player, I imagine we'd still see him on ESPN 11 in hot-dog eating competitions. He looks like he could handle a meal. Anyways, here's the photo:

Pat McQuistan

Words cannot even describe Joakim Noah. He is something else. He would be perfect for an anti-meth commercial. "Children, if you do meth, this is what you will look like":



Joakim Noah

Who do you think is uglier, McQuistan or Noah? You be the judge.

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Kobe is still the King

Nothing pisses me off more than athletes who make a conscious effort to try hard at all-star games. Most players seem to accept the fact that these games are an absolute joke, but it seems that not all players can come to terms with this. Usually the marginal players who don't deserve to be there try really hard, and it's just more pathetic than anything (Bosh a few years ago, Kessel this year, etc.). At the NBA all-star game this weekend though, LePussy James is the one who was trying harder than anyone else. The Western Conference had a double-digit lead on the East, when LePussy started to play like it was game 7 of the NBA Finals (Alright, well LePussy usually chokes in the playoffs anyways, so that might not be the best analogy). Here's a video of Kobe, the real King of the Throne, getting the best of LePussy. (LePussy should try and get back that fast on defence in a regular season or playoff game)

I usually hate the conventional sports ass slap, but it's funny in this situation. Kobe is letting LePussy know that he is nothing. James and his triple-double can fuck themselves, Kobe still won MVP.

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Neal and Niskanen traded to Pittsburgh for Goligolski

...And the Stars general manager was fired afterwards and it was later revealed that he was arrested for having trace amounts of cocaine in his system. Seriously though, what kind of fucking trade is that? Why did Dallas trade Neal, a 30-goal scorer, and Niskanen, a relatively young defenseman with lots of upside, for Goligolski, a slightly underrated offensive defenseman? I'm not too sure, but the Pens win this deal for sure in my books. In other news, anytime the NHL general managers want to fuck off and stop making deals and detracting from the excitement of the trade deadline, that would be great. Since Crosby and Malkin are hurt, this deal means that the Penguins will have at least one player (Neal) who doesn't belong in the AHL on their NHL roster.

James Neal

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Debate of the Day: CSI Babes

I'll start off by saying I'm not a fan of any of the CSI shows. They have some of the most brutal actors I've seen on American television shows and once you've seen one episode, you've seen them all. It was also the most overrated television show for a span from 2005-2007 (Since then, people have came to realize they've been watching the same plot every episode for the past 5 seasons). That being said, some of these shows have ridiculously hot older women on them. CSI was the sole inspiration for today's debate of the day. Melina Kanakaredes: babe. Emily Procter: babe. Sophia Curtis: not really a babe, hence why she won't be included in this poll. Anna Belknap: babe. I'll shut up and let the pictures do the talking:

Anna Belknap

Melina Kanakaredes

Emily Procter

Personally, I'm going to go with Melina Kanakaredes. I love girls with curly hair, and she has legs that go on forever. She's also got a great face in my opinion, and a sexy name to back it up. Who would you go with?

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Today Is Family Day in Canada

...I'm serious. What in the fuck is Family Day? The government just instituted this bullshit holiday about three years ago, and no one is really sure why. So people can spend more time with their families? Let's be honest, no one wants to do that. The only good thing about this holiday for most people is the fact that they get a day off of work (I couldn't care less about that, I don't actually have a real job). When I was browsing the internet, I came across this pretty fucked up article, and it kind of relates to Family Day. Apparently, a grandmother was the surrogate mother to her daughter's son. I'll re-word that. This woman was unable to support a fetus in her uterus, so her mother stepped in and had the eggs surgically inserted into her uterus. This means that a grandmother gave birth to her grandson. That's some pretty messed up shit. Is his grandmother considered his real mother now? I'm not even sure, but something about the whole fucking situation just doesn't sit well with me. If you want to read about this yourself, check out the article at the Globe and Mail: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/opinion/when-granny-gives-birth-to-her-grandson-theres-something-wrong/article1913695/?cmpid=rss1&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+TheGlobeAndMail-National+%28The+Globe+and+Mail+-+National+News%29&utm_content=Google+International.

Anyways, I was basically just trying to say that Family Day is a bullshit holiday, but then I got carried away. Enjoy your holiday Canadians. Cheers.

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

How Does it Feel to be Joe Blanton?

     I'm going to start off by qualifying myself. Joe Blanton is not a bad pitcher. Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to come in here and tell you he's a good pitcher, because that would be complete bullshit and I'm not a liar. I tell it like it is. That being said, how shitty must it be to be big Joe Blanton right now? Okay, he makes millions and has a better life than me. I mean, he's playing in the MLB and I'm sitting at a computer at midnight on a Sunday night blogging about the guy, but you know what I'm getting at. He's the weak link in a pitching rotation that is absolutely stacked. You might even say he's the New York Islanders of the Atlantic Division. The Phillies pitching staff is scheduled to have a meeting later today to field questions from reporters. I think it's going to be really awkward when they have tons of questions to ask Halladay, Lee, Oswalt, and Hamels, but nothing to say to Blanton other than: "So, how are you going to prepare to be the #5 on this team?" or "Who are you? And why are you sitting near Roy and Cliff?". Blanton is an alright pitcher, and would be more effective on a team like the Jays as a #2/3 guy. I don't really have much to say other then: We're fucked, I hate the Phillies. Good for you Philadelphia, R2C2 (worst fucking nickname) rivals the Braves pitching staff of the late 90s. I'm glad Philadelphia can put out 4 teams that can make the playoffs (76ers, Flyers, Eagles, and Phillies), yet fucking Toronto can't sneak one into the playoffs. Nothing else to be said: I'm moving to Philadelphia next week. It's been nice Toronto.

Joe Blanton wheeling and dealing in the club

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Glenn Healy is a Fucking Idiot

     I can’t be the only one who hates this guy, can I? He’s by far the most annoying and retarded announcer working for CBC, and that’s a pretty bold statement when you look at the other colour commentators they currently have employed. Healy is just the biggest piece of shit. Everything he says is completely baseless, unsubstantiated, and unprofessional (Hey, maybe he’d do an alright job working for a website like this). I’m seriously sick of this fucking guy. A couple of weeks ago, Darryl Boyce took a slap shot after the whistle in frustration because his team just had a tough loss. In response to this, Glenn “the fuckin’ all-star” Healy said he was lucky to even be in the NHL. That’s pretty ironic coming from Healy, a career backup goaltender in the 80’s and 90’s, one of the shittiest couple of decades of goaltending talent (excluding Hasek, Roy, and Belfour).  Healy was complete shit in his career, and he had no right to say anything about Boyce. Seriously, what gives Glenn the right to even announce these games? Does he actually have a broadcasting degree? Or is he just another former player in the long line of former players who are given broadcasting jobs for no reason whatsoever? I’m going to go with the latter. Maybe if he stopped trying to be such a badass on the air and acted like a normal, down-to-earth kind of guy, I wouldn’t have a problem with him. I hate so many things about Glenn Healy. I hate everything about his entire existence. I hate how he is only 5'4. I hate how he spells his first name with two N's. I hate how he greases his hair before he goes on television. I hate Glenn Healy. Stop mouthing off about Phil Kessel, Dion Phaneuf, or Nazem Kadri. If all of them retired today, they’d have better careers than you. I don’t care if Nazem has only played 17 games, that only means he’s had less of an opportunity to embarrass himself out there at the NHL level like you did. The end.

Glenn Healy pretending to make a save

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

545 Playoffs: Ugliest Athletes (Round One, Series One)

Over here at 545, we came up with an idea. Over the next seven days, we'll conduct a series of polls to determine who wins the title of "Ugliest Athlete in Professional Sports." The next four days will be the quarter finals, and todays quarter final match-up is between Jason Blake of the Anaheim Ducks, and Kevin Youkilis of the Boston Red Sox.

Let's start with Jason Blake. People usually associate hockey players with having a tough, rugged, and conservative set of good looks. Jason Blake possesses none of these physical attributes. He looks like a wimpy weasel who hasn't seen the sun in years. He reminds me of hungover Golem from Lord of the Rings. His hair might be the most disturbing part of his whole face or head, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. It's a dirty yellowish-white that is just hard for me to fathom. Words can't really do justice in this situation, so I will just throw up the photo:

Moving on, Youkilis isn't really any better. If I saw this guy on the street, I would never assume he was a professional baseball player. I'd think he was a hot dog vendor or a fucking janitor. He looks like a schmuck. He willingly chooses to shave his head, and he grows a dirty beard that even Brad Pitt couldn't pull off. Shaving your head willingly is insulting to people who are actually bald. Get some class and integrity Kevin. Anyways, here's a photo of Youkilis:

Honestly, I'm going to go with Jason Blake on this one. A poll should be up shortly, and you can cast your vote for whoever you think is less attractive. I wouldn't usually make fun of people for being unattractive, but since these men are all millionaires and professional athletes, I'm jealous of them and I feel entitled to cover up my own bitterness and insecurity by attacking them. Cheers.

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid



Sick Hockey Tussle

Last night I was so jacked up about this it wasn't funny. Granted, last night I had consumed about 13 beers in 2 hours watching the game at BP so my judgment was likely pretty poor. I've got to say though, even in the light of day this fight between Jay Rosehill and Francis Lessard pretty much sums up the reason I love hockey. Let's watch:

Just absolute heart from both parties here. Like, usually I hate a fight if guys don't take off their buckets first. But it's pretty clear that these two had already decided just not to play any defense at all during the fight, so I guess I'd keep my helmet on too. They just trade rights until their arms got too heavy then both switch over to the left. When they get tired of that they just mutually agree to call it a day.

If I was Rosehill, I'd have taken that opportunity to sucker Lessard right in the face, but I guess he's got "integrity" or some shit. Either way, this was the high point in a night of sports lows last night.


- posted by silverado

Just Another Lame Skills Night at the NBA All Star Game

Well, it's official. This is going to be my last year even acknowledging the NBA All Star Weekend. Like, it has just been terrible and a bust in every sense of the word. Fucking Craig Sager won't leave Carmelo Anthony alone about where he will be traded, James Jones is beating Ray Allen in three point competitions, fucking little Asian kids coming out of the woodwork whining to Serge Ibaka about their lost teddy bears. Fuck me gently.

For the third year in a row, the dunk contest was a complete bust. Does somebody want to tell me how in the sweet blue fuck this dunk gets a 50?

If you consider yourself a basketball fan at all, you've got to be upset that Demar Derozan didn't make it to the finals. Of course he'd have lost to Blake no matter what he did, but you've got to think he could have done something more entertaining than try a retarded dunk 14 times with 3 balls or just throw an alley oop one handed jam off the backboard. Like, that's great Javale, thanks for the good times man.


- posted by silverado

Debate of the Day: Johnny Depp's exs

I'll be perfectly honest with you, Johnny Depp creeps me the fuck out. The guy is one eccentric looking weirdo. Unfortunately for me, the ladies don't look at him the same way. Somehow they're able to overcome the creepiness he displayed in Edward Scissorhands and find some sort of obscure sexual attraction between him and themselves. His role as Captain Jack Sparrow in those Pirate movies (which are more overrated than Shane Doan was for the last decade) really tricked a lot of girls into believing he was attractive rather than creepy. Seriously, he was ranked as the world's sexiest man not only once, but TWICE? Anyways, once again, I'll cut the shit and get to the point. He's dated lots of attractive girls, Kate Moss and Winona Ryder among them. Who do you think is more attractive, Moss or Ryder?

Winona Ryder

VERSUS

Kate Moss

It's a tough one. They're both pretty cute girls, but I'm going to give the nod to Kate Moss. Who would you choose?

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Erik Johnson Traded Earlier Today

The St. Louis Blues dealt former first overall pick Erik Johnson to Colorado for...Oh wait. Erik Johnson was never the all-star he was supposed to be. No one cares.

Erik Johnson standing between the two most overrated players

in the National Hockey League at the 2006 draft.

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Roberto Luongo - Olympic Champion

Here's a photograph of Roberto Luongo holding up his gold medal for diving in the 2008 Bejing Olympics.

I'm watching the Dallars Stars/Vancouver Canucks game right now and it's a pretty decent game. The Canucks are the best team in the NHL right now and the Stars are a good team in their own right (despite the recent losing streak). That being said, I cannot stand Roberto Luongo. The guy fucking dives more than anyone I have ever seen in the NHL. He dives more than Alexander Despatie, Sammy Lee, and Klaus Dibiasi combined (If you don't know who they are, that's alright, diving isn't a real sport anyways). Every game I watch this clown out there, he's always diving to draw penalties or whine about how goalies have it so fucking tough. Fuck yourself Luongo, you look worse than Jacob Markstrom did in the 2009 WJC. I've never seen a guy who is 6'3 and 200+ pounds fall like a bag of fucking potatoes more than this jackass. Anytime someone touches him, regardless of how much they touch him, he'll fall down, have that stupid fucking annoying cringe on his face, and stay on the ice for 5 minutes. Everyone knows he's embellishing the contact, and he looks more stupid than Don Cherry out there (which is a pretty impressive feat). I'd post a video right now, but if you go to youtube and search "Roberto Luongo dive", the first 20 results will be different dives from Luongo. People always bitch about Sean Avery, Matt Cooke, and Steve Ott compromising the integrity of the game. They should take a closer look at this jackass. Having talent doesn't justify acting like a retard. /Rant.

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Sidney Crosby's girlfriend is a 6/10?

Whenever I think of Sidney Crosby's girlfriend, I think of a girl who looks like this :

But, to my surprise, I was browsing my Facebook and came across someone who has Sid's girlfriend on Facebook. She has a limited profile, but there were some photos available for my friend to see. Here is one photo she pulled off of Facebook:

No, I'm just fucking with you, here's the real photo:

Sidney Crosby girlfriend

Now don't get me wrong, she's more attractive than the girl that 75% of you readers will end up with, but this is Sidney Crosby we're talking about. To avoid sounding gay, I won't list off all of Crosby's accolades and attributes, but I'll just say this: It's Sidney fuckin' Crosby, he could almost date anyone he wanted to. It seems that Crosby scores the same way off the ice as he does on the ice. He's not flashy about it, but he gets the job done.

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

A Slap in the Face? or a Punch..?

     When the Philadelphia Flyers acquired Versteeg from the Toronto Maple Leafs, I thought this was a slap in the face to Ville Leino, a vastly improved and underrated Flyers forward who will be looking for a big pay-raise next season. Leino was originally acquired by the Flyers for a fifth round pick and Ole-Kristian Tollefson, a junior B player (Wait...what? He played in the NHL for a bit? REALLY? WOW). Since the transaction, Leino has improved and has followed a great 2010 Stanley Cup run with a solid season. By acquiring Versteeg, the Flyers management is essentially saying that they will not re-sign Leino (due to cap issues). I'm sure Holmgren will try and weasel his way out of this and re-sign Leino, but that's going to be difficult to do. In the meantime, coach Laviolette is trying to solve the problem himself, by pissing off Leino to the point where he wants to leave. Trading for Versteeg wasn't enough...

 Laviolette punches Leino in the head:

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

An Important Reminder

LeBron James and mother Gloria

Watching the beginning of the weekend's NBA all star festivities have just reminded me how pompous, pussified, and petrifying the culture of the United States is. Tonight I watched the Celebrity game as well as the Rookies versus Sophomore game, and I can't really remember the last time I've been so disgusted.

Just shameless self promotion and arrogance by everybody involved. I know these Rookie/Sophomore games are just for shits, but they typically play defense in the fourth quarter. Not tonight, just players crusading for MVP, selfishly taking horrible shots. I watch Bieber stink up the joint in the celebrity game and win the MVP. The little cunt bastard definitely shot below 50 percent and ended with something like 10 points. Missed the game tying 3 ball. His team lost. Scottie Pippen must have had 20 + points. But just since the little fucker got snubbed at the Grammy's, American society shant have him lose again. What would that do to his confidence? Like, listen Bieber you little punk, you want the MVP then earn it. Don't just tweet and ask 14 year old girls to vote for you, you little rat jackal.

The whole NBA needs to be brought down a notch. It's times like this when I'm happy that Delonte West banged LeBron James' mom last year in the playoffs. Like, you know what, I respect Delonte West. I know he has drug problems and got arrested for having like 14 guns on him, but he's a good man. He saw LeBron getting a little too high on the pedastal, so he had to take him down a rung. Yo LeBron I just pounded your mom for a half hour while you were out with Jay-Z. Good luck against the Celtics in game 5 tomorrow. This is what the NBA needs more of. Some of these stars need to be humbled.

And let's just remember. Delonte West did this even though Gloria is a spitting image of LeBron. Basically, he had sex with LeBron. But he did what he had to do.

- posted by silverado

Debate of the Day: J Kidd v. Devon Harris

In lieu of the NBA All Star Weekend (which has become complete bullshit due to the likes of Justin Bieber), I thought I should bring it back to basketball for the debate of the day. These two point guards were traded for one another a couple years back. Little did we know they also shared another trait; girlfriends who have posed for playboy. Here goes.

Devin Harris' girlfriend Meghan Allen

versus

Jason Kidd's girlfriend Hope Dworaczyk



Another day, another tough decision. Brunette versus blond. Digging a little deeper though, we've got a battle of the traits. Meghan has piercing blue eyes and Hope has got legs that just keep on going and going.

You've got to be careful here, because this decision basically defines you as a man. Many argue that in life you're either an "ass man" or a "tits man". I'm going to extend the argument and say you can also be a "face man". You've got to think, all three attributes fade with age, but the face stays nicest the longest. That's why Meghan's face is going to be pretty long after Hope's legs buckle and her ass loses its pop. I'm going to go with Meghan Allen here and give props to both men.

- posted by silverado

Taking us Into the Weekend

Well, it's Friday night. about to go out and party it up. Haven't been laid in a while so I'm hoping tonight is a different story. Maybe after watching this absolutely retarded video I'll have some better luck.

- posted by silverado

Bieber At The All Star Game?

Just watching the NBA Celebrity All Star Game, and this has to be a god damned joke. I mean, half of the guys here aren't even legitimate celebrities. Free "545 Talk" T-shirt to anybody who can even tell me what Romeo Miller is famous for. I'm literally 100 percent sure that he's just some schmuck who played at USC and never did anything notable with his life.

Other than that, you've got a bunch of idiots just begging to be voted MVP by their fans. Some B listers in Rob Kardashian and a bunch of other fucking idiots. Worst of all though is Justin Bieber.

Like, I guess Biebs offered to blow Magic Johnson before the game because he has played all but about 2 minutes in the game. Just gets a touch every possession. The kid is such a spastic little prick with the ball that he's actually tricking people just because he's trying retarded things. Throwing up air balls and twitching worse than Michael J. Fox out there. Just fucking terrible.


- posted by silverado

Breaking News: Kaberle to Boston

Newest Maple Leaf Joe Colborne

Word is that the Kaberle deal is to be finalized today. This deal can NOT be any better for the Leafs. Reported trade

To Boston: Tomas Kaberle (POSSIBLY the Leafs' 2011 second round pick)

To Toronto: Joe Colborne, Boston's 2011 first round pick, a conditional pick to be named later

We're making out like bandits here, as far as I'm concerned. Burke has expressed zero interest in resigning Kaberle. The cap hit he represented was pretty substantial and it'll clear room for future moves for us. We take back a 6-foot-5 center who was taken in the 2008 first round in Joe Colborne. A mid 20's first round pick this year doesn't exactly sting either.

Ideally, Colborne develops into the first line center this team so desperately needs. At the very worst, his size makes him an ideal third liner. The real kicker in this trade is that we don't even take back any contracts to match Kaberle's. This means Boston must have other deals in the works for Stuart/Wheeler, but who really gives a shit about them.

At this point let's just hope they tank the rest of the season. If they play the Pens anymore let's just hope Matt Cooke is in the game!


- posted by silverado

Debate of the Day: Modano v. Upshall

What do Mike Modano and Scottie Upshall have in common? Not a whole lot, I guess. They're both millionaires, so that's good for them. They both play for shitty Western Conference teams in Detroit and Phoenix, but at least some people give a shit about the Wings. It's tough to compare them in terms of productivity, considering Upshall is pretty much a plugger out there and a complete waste of the 6th overall draft pick that was used on him. Modano was never an absolute superstar but the guy popped 50 goals once and hovered around a point per game during the prime of his career.

Ah fuck it, I'll cut the shit and get to the girls.

Mike Modano's wife Willa Ford

versus

Scottie Upshall's girlfriend Melanie Collins



This is actually a pretty tough choice. A little younger versus a little older. We all know the benefits of an older woman though. It's weird, until you're like 27 you want an older woman in her mid thirties. After that you just become a creepy guy trolling on younger girls.

Both of these girls have been in the spotlight before. Willa was on "Dancing With The Stars" as well as dating the former face of MMA Chuck Liddell for a short period. Melanie Collins worked for NBA TV for a short period of time before she uploaded a bunch of slutty pictures on facebook that included her kissing other women and looking to be perilously close to licking another girl's butt-crack. So that's cool I guess if it's what you're in to. Personally I'm going to go with Collins here. Sure, she freaks me out a little bit with her adventurous sexual endeavours, but I just know I couldn't live up to the bar set by guys like Modano and Liddell.

Oh, and if this is your type of thing (personally I've got a little bit more integrity), here is a picture of Melanie Collins kissing another woman:

- posted by silverado



Miguel Cabrera Arrested...

"Cabrera was arrested late Wednesday night in Fort Pierce, Fla., about 110 miles southeast of Lakeland. The police report, obtained and published by the Treasure Coast Newspapers, stated that around 11 p.m. ET, police spotted smoke coming out of the engine of the car Cabrera was driving. Cabrera reportedly smelled of alcohol, and his speech was slurred. The sheriff's office reported that he took a drink from a bottle of scotch he had in the car. Additional deputies were called to the scene when he was ruled uncooperative, according to the police report.

...

'Do you know who I am? You don't know anything about my problems,' Cabrera told officers, according to the report."

- MLB.com

     Well, it seems that Miguel Cabrera is having difficulties with the law again. He was arrested Wednesday night for drinking and driving. I can't really say I blame the guy for turning to alcohol after being robbed of the American League MVP award by Josh Hamilton (another MLB player who has had substance abuse problems). As you read above, Cabrera took a drink from a bottle of scotch in his car when the officer was talking to him after being pulled over, and then screamed "Do you know who I am?!" If Cabrera did this in a movie, everyone would think he was badass. Unfortunately for him, this is real life, and everyone thinks he's a jackass (Disclaimer: If you don't think he's a jackass for doing this, you, yourself, are more than likely a jackass). Now I know it's wrong to laugh at other people's misfortunes, but I can't let this one slide. Here was his mug shot hours after he was arrested and taken into custody (photo courtesy of MLB.com):

     !?!?!?! I know that if I just got arrested for a D.U.I., I would not have a fucking stupid grin on my face. This isn't your grade 7 class photo Miguel, you just got fucking arrested and you're going to be charged and suspended from the MLB without pay for a while. It's really hard to empathize with him and not just laugh at him after you see something like this. What in the fuck could he be smiling at? Is he still drunk? I don't really have a good answer for you. Cabrera always could have pulled a Peter Worrell and given the officer a false name. When Peter Worrell was pulled over for drunk driving, he told the officer his name was Andreas Lilja. Why did he do this? To this day, no one is sure. I guess he was just hoping for the best. If I was Miguel and the officer pulled me over, I would have told him my name was Johnathon Papelbon and hoped for the best. Oh, just for shits and giggles, here are photos of Peter Worrell and Andreas Lilja. Can you see the resemblance?

Peter Worrell

Andreas Lilja

 Posted by: The Say Hey Kid



Fear the Beard

The playoff beard is one of the most majestic things you will ever see in professional sports. Baseball has the cycle, Basketball has the triple-double, and hockey has the hat trick playoff beard. Some players, namely Patrick Kane and Sidney Crosby, have difficulties growing beards. Luckily for them, they're fuckin' all-stars, so it doesn't really matter. For some players though, the playoff beard is their only chance to shine in the spotlight. Without further ado, here are my top 5 playoff beards from recent NHL history:

5. Scott Niedermayer

4. Maxime Talbot

*Insert Sidney Crosby Joke here*

3. Mike Commodore

2. Paul Mara

1. Scott Hartnell

I always like to associate the playoff beard with hockey since the 1980's Islanders dynasty started the tradition. Since then, other sports have adopted the playoff beard as well, and some other players, namely Brian Wilson, could compete with almost anyone on this list. Anyways, here are my top 5 playoff beards from the NHL. Agree or disagree? Anyone I missed?

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Jeopardy Babe?!

First things first, I don't even want to hear any chirps about how I watch Jeopardy. I come home for Reading Week, spend quality time with my family, dinner conversations and trivia nights. Just a classy family all in all. So fuck yourselves.

Getting to the point though, this Jeopardy Babe is straight killin' it! I mean sure, I'm lucky this is an episode of teen jeopardy College Jeopardy so whatever I'm about to say is definitely completely legal. This girl is just a bomb though. I mean, if a girl is like a 5.5 out of 10 or above and she's on Jeopardy, she's automatically a "babe" in Jeopardy terms just because the average female on this show is like 250 pounds. But Kate is a solid 8 - 8.5 without the Jeopardy bonus! Not to mention the girl is just annihilating the competition, 14 600 and the next closest schmuck is at 4000.

Usually I'd be insecure about my girl being smarter than me, but if that's the price I have to pay for Kate so be it. Somebody get me this girl's number! Marriage material.


- posted by silverado

Toronto Police Officer in Trouble for his Language

"A Toronto police officer who told a gathering of university students that women could avoid sexual assault by not dressing like "sluts" will issue an apology, police said on Thursday.

Mark Pugash, director of communications for the Toronto Police Service, said the officer would send a written letter of apology to faculty and students at York University for inappropriate comments made at the university's Osgoode Hall Law School.

Pugash said the officer had also been disciplined internally."

- CTV Toronto, via Sympatico news.

     I think they should change the title of their article to "Police officer to face disciplinary actions for telling the truth." Seriously, I don't really have a problem with what he said. There are a lot of sick people in this world, and everyone knows it. Girls have to know that walking around in the summer time in short shorts that cover up about as much as their underwear is just going to provoke a bunch of sick idiots. That's just the way it is. I really feel for this police officer, and I do feel for women who are abused by idiots. Don't get me wrong, he probably shouldn't have said the shit he said, but I understand where he's coming from. Why do girls need to wear shorts as short as they do? Am I going to complain about it? Hell no, but it's just begging for attention, and sometimes this attention is going to come from the wrong places. What he said was obviously politcally incorrect, but it was the truth. The world would be a better place if everyone could acknowledge the truth and not lie to themselves because they're not comfortable facing reality. Alright though, time to cut this shit, this is a sports blog first and foremost, not a fucking psychology class or whatever you want to classify my bullshit rant as. Anyways, on a lighter note: Underwear or shorts, you be the judge...

Megan Fox in short shorts

Posted by: The Say Hey Kid

Buds On The Rise

Alright boys, I'm well aware that I'm usually just a satirical prick with nothing positive to say about anybody. With that in mind, just hear me out for a minute. The Leafers beat Ryan Miller and the Sabres for the first time in what seems like forever last night after grinding out a 4-3 two nights ago in Boston. The Toronto Maple Leafs are only six points out of the playoffs. With 24 games remaining on the schedule and teams like the Rangers, Hurricanes, Thrashers, and Sabres ahead of us I'm actually filled with a weird sense of optimism about, dare I say it, making the playoffs?

With the help of James Reimer and the emergence of some of our younger guys, we've actually ascended past being considered a complete joke. Grabo just delivering heroic performances after looking to be concussed, Philly Cheesesteak Kessel finally scoring against Boston, and D-men like Luke Schenn and Keith "The Aulstar" Aulie playing physically and responsibly. Absolutely loving what I'm seeing from these guys right now.

Admittedly, it might be slightly too soon to be talking playoffs, but with every win for the Buds, the first round pick Boston absolutely stole from us gets a little bit worse.


- posted by silverado